Fear tried to cripple me, see, he had a bad feeling about all of this
The Past knew better and she told me so.
She cautioned me to pull back
But I would not believe them.
"You lie" I screamed
"You just want me to keep you company forever"
I wanted to believe in possibilities
I wanted to say goodbye to The Past for good.
Like I never even knew Fear.
So in spite of their warnings
I tiptoed off the ledge, arms wide ... and FELL
If you are reading this then you may know about The Voices and you probably know that they are usually right. Just trying to help you out.
And that first time I tried to ignore them, well you can guess how that story ends. I just soared thinking “He is going to be there to catch me when I fall ...”
And when I fell, I fell flat on my face. Just like they said.
So now I’ve come to terms with The Voices.
I look Fear straight in the eye and say, “Listen I want to trust you but I need to know your motives are true. I can’t be around forever.” You know sort of like, you’ve got to go find someone else to play with. Because Fear doesn’t want to let go – he can say some pretty ridiculous stuff to stay in the picture. So now we have this deal. I promise to listen if he promises not to trick me.
And The Past well, she’s not always happy being locked away somewhere. You’ve got to let her out to play, too. And I’ve found she knows some interesting games, that girl. She’s got stories, you know? And I know sometimes she can be sort of embarrassing or even some days you just feel like you have outgrown her, but you have history with this girl. And you have to respect that. She knows you and you are family in a weird way.
There’s more of course. Sometimes it seems like more Voices than I can handle. And I admit I haven’t figured the rest of the gang out yet although Miss Jealousy and I – we go way back. But I will make my peace with them one by one.
And once I’ve got them all on my side, then I’ll be ready to take that leap of faith.
But for now, when I am cuddling with The 21 Year Old and The Past comes tapping at my shoulder to remind me of someone else, I will not sweep her under the rug.
And when Fear inches his way between us on the couch and starts to whisper in my ear, I will listen.
Did you hear that?
I’M LISTENING