The weekend was relaxing and by relaxing I mean there was no alcohol or drugs involved for a change. Mostly just me and some new games: “Alien Hominid” which is fun but hard and “Obscure” which is a survivor horror title fashioned after a teen slasher movie and boasting 2 player simultaneous play that does not suck.
There was also a family wedding, which I foolishly chose to attend as well. It’s funny how most of my extended family chooses to ignore the fact that I came out at 16 and still insist on asking me when I am going to “settle down” with a nice girl.
I don’t think I’ve ever screamed, “I’M A FAGGOT” more times in a single evening and I probably wouldn’t have minded so much if it had at least resulted in a blowjob in the mens room by one of the cute wait staff.
But alas all it got me was pregnant pauses filled with BLINK BLINK BLINK and gaping mouths.
I did buy a new suit to mark the occasion and I must say I look pretty damn SEXY in pin stripes. I am not usually into the whole “men in suits” thing but hot damn I could barely keep my hands off myself.
Speaking of which, this crazy 80-degree weather has been doing a number on my libido. The “Spring Itch”, as I like to call it, reminding me that underneath it all we are all just a bunch of fucking animals.
Plans to see Amytville were squashed all around by my bastard friends and I may just wind up seeing it by my god damn self tomorrow night after work.
On the work front things are good, I started this week off with an actual honest to goodness raise of 4% if you can believe it. It’s amazing how much less things suck when they give me more money and yes I realize how whorish that sounds but I don’t care I have needs.
And by needs I mean a Nintendo DS and Sony PSP.
My mother is going out of town next week and while that sort of thing used to get me excited as a teenager, these days it just means I have to go over there and mow her lawn twice a week while she’s gone and hope she doesn’t lose my entire condo down payment on the slot machines in Vegas.
On the Days of Our Lives front, our dashing young male cast members have decided they are going to go off to Iraq to rescue that dude Kyle from Real World Chicago who is being held captive. Because, you know, in real life if one of your buddies should go missing in action during a WAR you’d probably go all “Saving Private Ryan” too – I mean, who wouldn’t? That show is so fucking retarded. I love it.
Also, am I the only person on the planet who could give a shit about having a god damn Ipod?