I never thought I would hear myself say this but I’m sleeping with too many people. Feel free to remind me of this moment the next time I fall into a dry spell and start whining about how no one wants to touch me in my dirty places. I’m sure I’ll argue the point then but until that time let me complain about too much action for a change.
There are so many things I enjoy about sleeping with a couple; for one thing, I’m always the main attraction if you get my drift. And no matter what tedious work out you’re giving your mouth on someone else’s err… something, there is always someone slobbering on some nasty bit of you to keep you motivated.
Another cool thing is that when three people are maneuvering their bodies across a bed (or floor, or couch or whatever – that’s my business) there’s bound to be some comedic gold moments here and there. Fingers and toes in all sorts of weird places, Fumbling on names when you’re not sure who is doing what to whom but god damn it that sure feels good whoever the fuck that is.
On the down side, one of the boys tend to give a little more instruction than I feel is necessary. “Slide over, turn around, legs up in the air” that type of thing. As if any moment he is going to start saying “You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying … in sweat”
He’s also a hard kisser, which I find annoying for several reasons, the least of which is not waking up with a bruised mouth stinging from razor burn.
My other boy is total sweetness, with an almost lazy, laid back style about sex that I find completely hypnotic. I find myself starting to wish we were alone together in that giant bed with no big hairy brute to come between us, ordering someone’s heels to Jesus.
This is where the trouble can start, I KNOW. But please understand I have no intention of becoming a home wrecker. Instead I’m just trying to see less of my boys and more of the new development.
“New development?” you ask. Yes, yes. There is ANOTHER boy. What? Didn’t you read the part back in the beginning where I said I was having sex with too many people? You didn’t honestly think I would have reached my threshold with a measly 2 now did you?
Enter Bachelor #3. After being cyber stalked (in a good refreshing way) by a charming red head I agreed to a dinner date which of course led to sex in the butt – MY BUTT – for the second time in one weekend.
Now, maybe some of you can handle twice in one weekend. Hell some of you can probably take it simultaneously. I however need a bit of a recovery period after I do the deed. (Try not to be too disappointed that I’m not the power bottom you always dreamed I was.)
So I’ve got the brute going at me one night, and while not a painful experience, I would not use the word gentle to describe it. The next night I find myself drunk, getting fucked by the red head internet boy while laying on my side because that’s the only way to accommodate his HUGENESS. Cut to Monday and guess who can barely walk or sit and who probably is going to shit right for a week. That’s right boys and girls, me. Dirty butt whore faggot who can’t seem to keep it in his pants for more than five minutes, or walk down the street without sucking everything in existence into his anus.
And all worries about my anal comfort aside, now I’ve got to wrestle with telling Big Red about my couple or not.
On the one hand, I want to do the whole open and honest thing, though I wonder if it will shy him away.
On the other, it would be just the thing to keep his “Let’s be boyfriends” type of advances away. Cause I’m starting to get the feeling he’s looking at me in a “Me and you against the world” type of way. And that’s just NOT where I’m at right now.
So far my attempts to disengage from the couple hardly last more than a few days. One way or another, the weekend rolls around and I find myself wedged between the sticky sweet boy and his brute of a boyfriend.
And of course, when Big Red calls, the promise of Bigger, Better Dick! Now! With! Lower! Hanging! Balls! Has me scrambling out the door in five minutes flat and keeping my secret for yet another day.
I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I know that sooner or later something’s got to give. But until then, I just can’t give up all this great action. Pray for me, people. Please keep my tender little booty and me in your thoughts.