Night-vision sex video scandal, and all. Say what you will about my IQ but all three seasons of Simple Life have had me rolling on the floor and crying with laughter.

I love her 13-year-old girl style exclamations of “Cute!” and “I love glitter!”

I love her dog and her dog’s shoes.

I love that she’s perpetually in a state of posing for paparazzi with a hand on her hip and that Paris smirk smacked across her face.

I love her ridiculous fashion of “cut up to here” and “slit down to there”. Her overconfident missteps into the throne of feathered-hair icon make me weak in the knees.

I love that she has a retarded little sister who will always lurk in her shadow no matter how many tacky handbags she designs.

I love that her boyfriend’s name is ... Paris.

Bust more importantly, I love that she had her face impaled in the movie House of Wax, complete with slow grueling multi angle shots of her head sliding down the length of the pole that was hurled javeline-style through a car window into that pouty face of hers.

But not before she could give a fellow cast member a makeover, hold up a piece of blue fabric against his skin, and utter the truly brilliant line “You look like a smurf”.

Paris Hilton, I fucking love you.