Another season of Top Model down the tubes and how do I possibly even begin to explain my love-hate relationship with this latest installment?
As a person who typically becomes seriously emotionally invested in the orchestrated drama of reality television, I felt absolutely nothing during the final elimination. Nothing.
The only thing that really kept me watching after the elimination of Lluvy was my sinister desire to watch bitches like Brittany and Keenyah make asses of themselves and get booted form the show in a fury of tears and “I don’t care what they say – I am gonna be model someday” type of dramatic exits.
A half hour into the show when Keenyah got her well-deserved comeuppance in the form of Janice Dickinson saying something to the tune of “You’re fat”, I found myself retreating to the copies of US magazine littered across Miss Valium’s coffee table. Not really caring who the hell wound up winning because Kahlen and Naima combined have the personality of a wet cigarette and let’s face it, in the real world they would have never stood a chance for a contract with CoverGirl cosmetics.
If I had my say I would have scrapped the entire season and just said “Fuck it – none of you bitches have what it takes, I am taking this back to the casting department.”
But then, there were some quality moments here and there - boring, ugly girls aside -namely in the form of Miss Tyra’s melt down which I have already talked about in great length and of course, who can forget the Lesbian wrestler and her flesh eating skin disease? Here’s a photo in case you don’t remember:
she's back from the dead and ready to party
Then there was Tiffany’s drunken pukefest in the fancy restaurant:
"oh my god girl, hold back my weave i finna be sick!"
Oh yeah, and the time Janice and Miss Tyra got all lesbo:
(sorry, i couldn't find a pic of the pixelated janice beaver shot)
And there will always be a special place in my heart for the time Rebecca’s eyes rolled up in the back of her head before she collapsed in front of the judges:
annorexia is so glamorous!
And while those were all classic moments in television history, scoring well in the “Can’t Miss Episode” category, the point of the whole show was lost. Seemed like it was more of a casting call than a model search. Here’s hoping Cycle 5 will be a return to form. Or perhaps it’s time they try something different? Like, “America’s Next Top Hand Model” for instance.
Anyway. END RANT.
This goes out to you Lluvy. You will always be a Top Model in my eyes:
Lluvy the girl with the worst photo ever
